Couples Who Got Back Together Share What Made Their Second Try Successful

Couples Who Got Back Together Share What Made Their Second Try Successful If theres anything that pop culture can teach you, its that breaking up doesnt necessarily mean its over for good. Its not uncommon for couples to call it quits and a few years (or months, weeks, even days) later, decide to give it another go.But what makes them think that its going to work on try No. 2? The reality is that spending time apart to regroup can teach both partners quite a bit and theres a chance that, if theyve learned from the situation, they can get back together with clear minds and open hearts to really make the relationship work.We talked with couples whove gotten back together to share what theyve learned thats helped them make their relationship successful the second time around. Heres what they had to say.1. You have to openly communicate.Were both military members (I welches a vet and reservist), and, while we were stationed overseas, my husband found himself dealing with something he wo uldnt or couldnt talk to me about, says Carol Gee. An already quiet man, he had always had problems talking and sharing. Six months passed when I asked him if he saw whatever he was dealing with ending anytime soon. When he replied, no, I asked to return to the U.S. Working full time with two part-time jobs to make ends meet, I spent my time trying make a life for myself. I loved him and, because I felt we were meant to be together, I was unable to commit to a serious relationship while separated.In the meantime, Gee says they stayed in touch when they could.Until he realized we were better together than apart, we would remain apart, she says. Two and a half years passed. When he had an option to retire from the service or accept a stateside assignment, he asked to visit so we could talk. During his visit, he decided to retire. He said all the right things, he still loved and missed me and he asked if I would give him another chance. I suggested we take it one day at a time that he needed to talk to me about what is going on with him in the future.In March 2019, they celebrated 46 years together. Counseling throughout the years helped them to really hear each other, and today, Gee says, theyre happier than ever.2. You may have to go through growth.Second chances can work I am living proof that rekindling with an ex can work out, says Penelope Lynne Gordon, founder of Gordon says she morphed from a very insecure girl with a bad case of abandonment issues into a whole, healed and confident young woman. And her ex-boyfriend came back. She says the reason is that they both changed.Let me get real with you Good relationships dont break up. So some major changes and shifts have to have taken place since yur breakup in order to give you a fighting chance at success with round two. What kind of personal development have you both focused on? How have you both changed? How will it be different this time? What do you want? Have you gotten really clear on what it is you actually want?She recommends grabbing a journal and writing out exactly what you want in a relationship. Then figure out how many of the things on your list you know your ex will fulfill, she says.If youre ready to give it another go with your ex, then make a promise to each other to remain fully in the present and to not bring up pain from the past, she goes on. Constantly bringing up the past and throwing past failures into each others faces is a recipe for disaster. Focus on the present and on the potential of your future together.3. You have to build trust.I am in a relationship with a girl for about two years we did break up, but we patched up, and now our relationship is going fine, says Shahrukh Sadiq, a digital marketing specialist at Cybervision International Islamabad. The real thing is trust. We have our perceptions and we tend to overthink, which makes us feel doubtful. But we set boundaries around our relationship, and now we are doing fine.--AnnaMarie Houlis is a femi nist, a freelance journalist and an adventure aficionado with an affinity for impulsive solo travel. She spends her days writing about womens empowerment from around the world. You can follow her work on her blog, HerReport.org, and follow her journeys on Instagram her_report,Twitterherreportand Facebook.